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Audrey
One of my favorite sayings has always been "Plants are the best pets". Think about it for a second. What kind of sound does a plant make when it's hungry? That's right, none! What kind of waste does a plant produce? No stinky litter or puddles on the carpet, plant waste is pure oxygen! Ah, smells so good! Plant needs outside? Does it bark? Does it Meow? Nope, it just sits there and waits patiently
Did your unfortunate plant pet pass away? No need for flushing, no need to dig a hole, that’s right, you have insta-mulch!
I’d even venture far enough to say that plants are better than children. Just think of the above scenarios with children. No diapers, no crying, no “Mommeeeee!”, no child welfare, no shallow graves.
It’s this thought process that finally led me to abandon the idea of having a human girlfriend, wife or any other kind of significant other and officially adopt a plant as my committed “life partner”.
Ladies and Gentlemen, children of all ages, I would like to introduce you to my fiancé: Audrey.
It was love at first site, I still remember the day I found her seed packet on the Internet, and I knew she had to be mine. Even from an early sproutling Audrey was love of my life! (Now, I don’t want any comments about being with a younger woman, carnivorous plant years are much different than human years, Audrey is a very mature lady.)!
I have never had such an inexpensive and self-sufficient relationship in my life, I couldn’t be more thrilled. We’re still waiting on the Canadian government to pass fauna to flora marriage legislation so that we can make our partnership official.
For anyone one there that’s having trouble with their own love life, I seriously recommend looking to our botanical friends, you’ll never go back smelly animals once you’ve tasted the sweet honeydew of a flower!
Posted by Dylon on November 9, 2006 11:57 PM |
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